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Week Twenty-One: And Yes, This is my Singing Voice
Now that I have begun to interact with the American public, I have realised that my British accent carries a lot of weight. I have had so many people saying to me recently: "you have a lovely accent," usually followed by wistful memories of the day they spent in London, lunching with the Queen or whatever. Nevertheless, it is true that people do respect it here, even if they really shouldn't. A woman at the train station told me that British people are more intelligent than Americans, simply because their accent makes them sound more intelligent, which is utterly ridiculous. She obviously hasn't spent much time in the pubs of Burnt Oak (though she kinda smellt as though she had). And that's the thing - I actually put on a different accent when I speak to people here. I don't necessarily mean to, but I've trained myself over the years to drop the glottal Cockney accent as much as possible when speaking to foreigners, as I know how hard it is for them to understand. Yet perhaps I have gone too far. I catch myself sometimes, prattling on like some period drama English fop, far more Hugh Grant than Grant Mitchell, and cannot believe what I'm hearing. However, there are times when I cannot believe what they are hearing. Such as on Saturday, when a lady in the bookstore asked if I was from Britain, and I said I was. She said, "I thought so; I have a good friend from Scotland, and he sounds just like you." You what?? How?!? "Don't get me wrong," I said to her, "I love the Scottish accent, in fact I wish I had one (I love it), but I do not sound anything like a Scot. Yer 'avin' a larf, inch-ya" I added, to prove my point. It didn't prove my point, it only confused the poor woman. But surely we Brits do not sound all the same to Americans? I admit I have abused my new-found British accent to make myself sound more authoritative and knowledgable, knowing that really it's just all bullshit. I have yet to be cast in a Disney film as the Villain, a role which only ever goes to the classic British thesps, but I'm not really trying. The day will come when I tire of being told my accent is lovely, at which point I will either revert to my factory settings, complete with Watling Park style expletives, or I will tell them that I had a stroke. I remember a story a couple of years back that there were people in the US who, having suffered quite bad strokes, suddenly found they had British accents. That'll give them something to talk about. |
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21.2.06 23:52 |
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wind and water
While watching Antiques Roadshow, a moment ago, the TV channel was interrupted by a robotic voice with a severe warning, that a major thunderstorm was going to sweep through the region any moment now. the weather outside is frightful, with walls of water blowing horizontally across the flat landscape. they've told people to stay away from the window (which means I'm going straight to the window, of course), and keep inside at all costs. Dear me. Will we have a tornado? I hope not. I always wanted to see one, from afar, but in daylight. Not at night, like now. And certainly not round here. Oh dear. The force of nature. There'll be a few floods tonight in the Sacramento area. |
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28.2.06 04:57 |
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Week Twenty-Two: I Dunno, I Didn't Go Into Burger King
"You know the funny thing about America? It's the little differences. I mean, they got the same shit over there as we got here, but there it's a little different. Example - they got a chocolate bar called 'Milky Way', but it's actually a Mars Bar. Almost no difference at all. Nothing like an actual Milky Way. And they have Snickers of course, but they have a variety of Snickers called 'Marathon'. No lie! They probably don't know that we used to call it that, once upon a time." When I was a young kid at Goldbeaters school, we had two Americans in our class, Bill and Sarah. We could not believe their outlandish stories about the products Stateside, particularly the breakfast cereals. Apparently, everything was different. Sure, they had Kelloggs and other recognisable brands, but completely different varieties. Now I am here, I understand some of the excitement. It takes time to get used to things in foreign grocery stores, and I still haven't mastered the cereal aisle. I have learnt, though, that Frosted Flakes are the same as our Frosties, but that's obvious. However, some products baffle me. Ok, they don't have Pepsi Max out here (sadly), but they do have Vanilla and Black Cherry Diet Coca-Cola. Is it necessary to have all those ingredients? at leats they don't have cinnamon flavour Coke - yet. Cinnamon is, I think, the national flavour. You get Cinnamon Tic-Tacs and Cinnamon chewing-gum, fair enough, but also Cinnamon toothpaste, and Cinnamon mouthwash. Hmm. It doesn't stop at cinnamon. You can even get Orange flavour toothpaste, and Vanilla, too - perhaps Crest are secretly developing a Black Cherry Diet Toothpaste? Even away from the grocery store, things that are the same are still different. At the bookstore, I found that Corelli (he of the Mandolin) is not a Captain here. The popular board game Cluedo is known simply as 'Clue' here (or, the way I play it, 'Cluedon't'), and in California, 50 degrees Fahrenheit is considered 'cold'. What's more, in the US, Craig Ferguson is considered to be an actual celebrity. Oh my god, it's a completely different world. |
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28.2.06 06:57 |
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