Last night (Wednesday) I had a Fillet Tower Burger from KFC. I got it just as I got on the bus, and let me tell you those guys are bloody hard to eat on the bus, when you have a Pepsi Max in between your legs and bags of books and shopping bumping about on the seat next to you. Have you seen their Tower Burgers? It was huge. I could barely fit it in my mouth. About a gallon of mayo poured out. It was tasty, and I don't have them often; what would happen if I did? Super-Size Me, the docu-film by ... I've forgotten his name already, it was an odd name, look it up, Walton Picknicker or something ... anyway, that was on C4 tonight. Mister Pinkdipper spent a month consuming nothing but food and drink from McDonald's, to see what the effects would be on his body. It was a response to the failed attempt by some obese (that stands for Order of the British Empire, Second Edition) Americans to sue McDo on the grounds that their food has made them fat. Mr Pimpsugar was a normal, healthy average Joseph, but after only a few days of his new McDiet, his health started to tumble rapidly. He gained incredible weight, and became depressed and sickly, his cholesterol shot up and - most surprisingly to doctors - his liver was swiftly deteriorating. The whole package was not good - these were not Happy Meals. He made the point that yes he was eating this junk every day, but the truth of the matter is there are a lot of very fat Americans, who never exercise, spend all day on their butts, drive everywhere - and never cook at home. Drive-ins are so easy, and all cars have cup-holders, for those Big Gulps - I know, 'cos I loved 'em. I could not and can not get over the variety of Fast Fooderies in the US; my favourite is Carl's Jnr. But I tell you this. Tonight I was filling out my application form for residency in the US. It dawned on me (and I admit this is not the first time it has dawned on me) that if I am not careful, I could become a Fat American. Here in the UK I don't drive, and I don't actually eat all that much fast food (save that Tower Burger). I drink a lot of Pepsi Max, sure (which they don't even have in America). In the USA I will have to drive, and might not get the chance to exercise. It's got me worried. It's like a switch to the Dark Side. I might grow a goatee! Just so I know where my chin ends and my neck begins! I'll end up votin' Bush and cursin' the damn' Frenchies and Mex'cans! I'll join the NRA and get me a gun! I'll understand American Football! OR... I'll grow my hair long, go vegan, ride a bike and be a hippy. I am going to Northern California after all.
McDon't Even Go There
29.4.05 01:41
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