I can't remember exactly when I fell asleep, but it was starting to get light. Paxman was getting more acerbic, Dimbleby was dimming his lights, Marr was looking more Martian. But when i woke up it was getting on for midday, and they were all still at it, there in the studios. That was a LONG shift! I bet it wasn't really them. I bet it was all part of Peter Snow's swingometric graphic generator. The Lord of the Swings really does live in that virtual world he projects around him. One moment he's standing on a tricolore Britain (which looked remarkably bluer than the results would suggest), the next he's walking down the steps of the House of Commons, the next he's outside 10 Downing Street presiding over a race between BBC-CG versions of Howard, Kennedy and Blair, which scared the koi carp out of me. I thought Jar-Jar Binks looked more convincing (come to think of it he's more convincing than the real Blair). Snow's house has no furniture, no fixtures and fittings, no food, it's all BBC graphics; he never eats or drinks, never uses the toilet (where would it flush to?), even the air is all let's-pretend. So Blair's Labour won, but they took a slap or two. The scores: L-355, C-197, LD-66. That's the highest LibDem amount since the 1920s. Labour's majority has been slashed to 66. George Galloway's 'Respect' took Oona King's Bethnal Green seat - I never liked her much, 'cos she's such a grinning Blairite, but I really don't like Galloway or the way he handled himself on his acceptance. And he got very pissy with Paxman because he wanted to ask cutting questions rather than pat him on the back. But there were no big surprises; LibDems lost some to the Tories, but won some from Labour; Labour lost some from the Tories, but hey, they are still government; the Tories - well, they are losing Howard, he announced he'll step down this morning. The Dead Ringers guy said last night that the Tories are like Have I Got News For You, changing leaders so often; they should just have guest-leaders. Maybe hold a reality-show type contest like The Apprentice. Portillo, Ken Clarke, David Davis (note correct spelling, told you I was dysnomic), and the token baldy, stick them in a house that looks just like Number 10, and leave them to it. I wouldn't watch it. But the big change will surely be within Labour - I give Blair two years at the most. I do like him, if I'm honest, but he will not stay the whole term. Despite making history for his party, they will be sharpening the knives quicker than you can say 'Jamie Oliver'. This was the last election I'll see in the UK, most likely. And it was fun. Kind of.
The Ditch Blair Project
6.5.05 17:28
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