The headline on the Evening Standard yesterday said that ipods are a health risk. Is it because of radiation, like with mobile phones? No; it is because people listen to them on the tube when the tube itself is noisy. No matter that people have been listening to Walkmans for the past 25 years. No, because ipods are a current fad, they feel they have to splash out ridiculous mind-numbingly non-news headlines such as this to sell more of their right-wing toss. And how do they sell this waste-of-forest? By employing gorillas to shout at the top of their captain caveman voices an untranslatable grunt which experts claim to mean 'Standard!'. I had to laugh today, as one of these sellers lost several issues in a sudden gust of wind. It's not only the Standard who employs primates to perform its menial tasks. According to their own 'website', it's been revealed that Michael Jackson, currently on trial for being a boy-bummer, used his monkeys to clean his toilets and dust his window-sills. His lawyers told him not to release his latest single, the West Ham anthem "I'm forever blowing Bubbles", in case it incriminates him further. And he has said, of his love for innocent children, "I'm a nut for innocence. If it wasn't for children, I'd throw in the towel." As opposed to just letting it drop on the floor. He even joked, the article goes on, about the Pope and Catholic leaders, saying they "all look the same". Michael, you would fit right in with that lot, surely.
Monkeys with Mops
12.5.05 14:12
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