dear george - petescully

dear george

Did you see the Oscars, George? Ain’t ya glad that the Gay Cowboy Movie didn’t win? That ain’t what cowboyin’s all about, is it! You’d know a thing or two about cowboyin’, wouldn’t you George, a good ol’ Texan boy like yourself. In fact, I’ll bet that when your successor at the White House takes over (following your resignation/impeachment/being shot in the face by Dick Cheney), they (ie, Hillary) will be looking around, breathing in and muttering to the American public, “dear oh dear, you’ve had the cowboys in here, love.” fficeffice" />

You will be long remembered, though, and now you have an infamous quote that people will be repeating for years to come. No, I’m not talking about one of your grammatical goofs or whacky wordplays (I’m not going to wage the War on Error just yet, George). No, your legacy will be the words you declared so earnestly in the aftermath of Katrina: I don’t think anyone anticipated the breach of the levees. I mean, George, that’s up there with I did not have sexual relations with that woman! You outta be proud. They’ll be replaying that one for years. You should make so much money in royalties! Perhaps you could release little dolls of yourself that say it when you pull a string. If the people of ffice:smarttags" />New Orleans ever erect a statue of you (and I admit the odds are pretty slim), those words will be writ large beneath it. It has a nice ring to it, too, like Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

The thing is, people actually did anticipate a breach in the levees. AND they told you about it, days before Katrina’s landfall. AND they even made a video of themselves telling you, a video which has just come to light this past week. I have to admit, George, it doesn’t look good, but I’m sure this won’t bring you down. Nothing seems to be able to bring you down, does it?! Hell, you could shoot somebody in the face and get away with it (just ask Dick)! You could admit to holding private parties with Gary Glitter, and still be in the Oval Office, smirking away, without a care in the world. Of course, if it were Billy who’d made these gaffs, you and your pack of slobbering wolves would have hunted him down like a quail. Well, maybe just the wolves; you’d be off playing golf somewhere.

I had a dream about you last night George, I’m ashamed to say. You were in a room of people, acting like a chimp, giggling and generally goofing about. I was there, and even I had to admit, you were very funny, an excellent clown, you should get an agent to book you for children’s parties (just don’t invite Gary Glitter). The thing is, should a clown be really running the country? Should a clown be in charge of the world? And so, in this dream, I called you a nob. You argued back, smirking childishly, saying that you were the Pres’dent, that you had many hard decisions to make, many sacrifices to consider, many problems to find solutions to. I had no argument. So what, I replied, you are still a nob. The rest of the dream was spent running away from your sinister, sunglass-wearing agents, who I’m proud to say never caught me.

What do you dream about, George? Are you chased by animated corpses rising from the murky waters of Louisiana? Plagued by bloody limbless Iraqis or American soldiers, crawling out of roadside bomb wreckages? Haunted by images of Vice-Presidents emerging from the reeds with shotguns locked and loaded? Or even Gay Cowboys, swinging their lassos and itching their triggers? I doubt it; I’m sure you never remember your dreams. If even something so important as urgent warnings that millions of American citizens are at imminent risk of terrible catastrophe slips your mind, how can you be expected to remember what happens when you are asleep? Unless of course you were asleep; you certainly didn’t say much when they were telling you about it.

It’ll all come out in the whitewash, as they say.

Your good friend

Pete

6.3.06 06:28

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To date 5 Comment(s) TrackBack-URL

heather / Website (6.3.06 17:41)
When you were hunting around for things to say to annoy americans, maybe you could get yourself invited to some right-wing christian hogfest and start asking talking about the stuff in this excellent post. -
The other thing - can you get parsnips to roast with your roast dinner? Parsnips are are as rare as a feather on a pickle in Switzerland - I think they're seen as little more than animal feed, but they do go very nicely with a few roasted spuds.

(6.3.06 20:23)
No, I don't think you can get parsnips! I never noticed until now. I haven't seen them anywhere. No end of butternut squash and sweet potato (mmm), but I've not seen parsnips.
There's something I can say to annoy people here. "Where's yer parsnips?"
I do make sure I got me roast spuds though. But I'm afraid to say, the lack of Oxo cubes and Gravy Granules is an issue. the tin of gravy is never enough - it's the one thing in the grocery store that is too small. I'll ask George Bush, see what he says.
As for right-wing christian hogs, well there aren't many in Davis, and the ones there are aren't anywhere near as right-wing as elsewhere. It's a funny little place, the Republic of Davis.

Roshan (11.3.06 14:42)
Bill Hicks observed, following the argument that abortion is the "murder" of a potential life, that he has wiped whole civilizations off his belly with a grey sweat sock.
Unfortunately, I couldn't find the exact quote online but, in trying, I did stumble across this proposal from Mr Hick:
>I'm not a girl, I'm a guy you know? But at the same time, I tell ya how you can solve this abortion issue right now. Ready? Those unwanted babies that single moms leave in alleys and in dumpsters? Leave about 12 of those on the steps of The Supreme Court. This is over. Like that. "You guys said we had to have them? Then you guys...FUCKING RAISE 'EM." "Raise 'em then, you fucking fucking raise 'em. YOU raise 'em. You said I had to have it? Then it's yours. Fuck. It's yours..Take it"

Roshan (11.3.06 14:44)
Shit, I just commented on the wrong post. But it won't let me comment on the other post, just this one. Why is that?

(11.3.06 17:01)
because i keep getting the settings wrong on the posts... toujours...